Are You Sleeping?
by lilfandomfreak
Summary: John hasn't been sleeping well. The dream bubbles haven't been bad or anything, but he just can't get to them well anymore. He also hasn't seen the alpha timeline friends on the meteor. John really can't wait to see Rose, and Dave, and the trolls there, but mostly, who John can't wait to meet is Karkat. His best troll bro.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

John was not going to sleep as easily as he once had. He really had no idea why. The ship did not bug him, no, John could fly, a ship going as fast as possible through a mysterious realm didn't bother him. It was the contrast of reality to the dream bubbles that really got to him. There, on the ship with Jade and Dave sprite, life was really quiet and filled with movies and boring pranks, but when you fell asleep… life was a lot louder. Sometimes you found trolls, mostly Vriska and the pirates, but other times you fought Jack. It was really epic and fun, even if you hadn't found anybody on the meteor yet. Well, that wasn't entirely true, you saw doomed timelines all of the time. And you often would check their Bubblrs. If only that didn't make you even more disappointed about not seeing.

Every time you looked you saw that Dave had made a new friend (Seriously, who is named the Mayor?), Rose was always drunk, and she was in a relationship with a vampire troll (Which is cool, you guess, but the shipping chart is being chucked down the toilet.), the troll who got you killed in another timeline, yeah Terezi, was also with Dave a lot, things seemed to have cooled down since they started killing each other, which you finally figured out happened, and then there was Karkat. Angry, uncouth, funny, bucket-sensitive, Karkat. The trolls have been talking to their ancestors a lot, and that Meenah one, you like to think of her as the trident one, which has absolutely everything to do with her constant jabs at your torso, she hung out with Karkat and always had you hang out with Aranea and Vriska to keep them (and their mouths that won't shut up) busy. Jeesh, why does she get to see him and the others all of the time? You never get to hang out with him! Argh, you like hanging out with Vriska and all (when she isn't being super mean), but you really, really, really miss his cute tantrums. It's so unfair. Why couldn't you sleep more to try and find them?

One day, you had an amazing idea. What if someone could put you to sleep? The only logical course of action was to ask someone on the ship who (possibly) had the power to do so. After an awkward confrontation with Dave sprite about sprite powers, and a conversation with Jade where she probably ended up assuming you were crazy, you decided to have a carapecian knock you out. There was absolutely no way you were missing this dream bubble.

"Whale, look who's back." Meenah shouted to you from the ship.

"Hey guys!" You called to the crew as you landed.

Vriska eyed you suspiciously, "Where have you been lately?" Was she referring to how little you had been in the bubbles? Should you tell her about how you haven't been able to sleep? It seemed she had forgiven you for the ring thing, partially, so maybe you could ask for her help. She had been able to put you to sleep when she was alive.

"I haven't been sleeping much…" You nervously kept speaking when you saw their confused expressions. "We found a stash of soda on the ship, and have been staying up watching movies and stuff, hahaha…" You hoped they would buy that.

"Since you are here, would you like to listen to my story I was sharing about the nature of…" You zoned out of what Aranea was saying. You had a goal today, and you couldn't waste time listening to the many fascinating tales Aranea had tucked away. Instead, you found your eyes pleaing for an escape with Vriska. However, somehow you saw your prayers getting answered differently.

"Wanna get somefin to eat below decks?" Meenah interrupted. She was a lifesaver, really, Aranea decided to stay while you followed Meenah and Vriska downwards, and you could then ask for help.

You cleared your throat nervously, "Hey, Vriska, I was sorta, um, lying earlier, we didn't discover any secret stash of soda and stay up…"

"I know that. You are suuuuuuuuch a bad liar."

"Oh."

Meenah butted in, "What's been keeping a buoy like you up?"

"Well…"

"Let minnow, pleeeeease!"

"I don't really know." You say cautiously, "I was wondering if you could help me, actually. Don't you have cool troll powers that can do that sort of sleepy thing, Vriska?"

She eyed you, clearly annoyed. "Yeaaaaaaaah, let me get right on that, when I'm not dead." Oh yeah, Vriska's powers were really cool and all, but she was dead, and probably couldn't help you when you were awake. Besides, she had been really down about her powers, so maybe you shouldn't have brought it up. With her teen-ancestor being all awesome and in tune with her powers, she wasn't even confident in her ability to put someone to sleep. Nice going Egderp.

"Actually, I think I've probably just been drinking too much caffeine, staying up late and stuff, without bedtimes I'm bound to get less sleep because I'm not trying to, hahaha. Yeah, but maybe there's something else you can help me with if you're feeling generous?"

"Krill it, shrimp." Meenah said.

"I haven't seen my friends on the meteor since the scratch. But you seem to be able to see them aaaaaaaall the time! How do you find them?" And with that, Meenah told you she was going to go visit them soon, and would bring you along. Probably about time too, since you always would distract the Serkets in her absence.

Now, you were so excited, wow, you would finally reunite with Rose and Dave. Meet Terezi and the Mayor and Rose's girlfriend, and maybe that creepy clown too. Well, Terezi said she'd cut your throat if you ever met, but you think she's cool now. Even so, you were kind of nervous, what if they didn't like you? Or your friends had moved on? Most of all, what if Karkat ended up being kind of annoying and you didn't really like him at all? With Vriska she ended up being different and almost disappointing, you got over it, but something feels different with him. Karkat was funny and his meanness was surely just his own personal little armor, what would that be like in person? You really hope that your cute (in a platonic way) troll friend ends up liking you too, and maybe lessens up his insulting nature a bit, for you.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'm sorry for not clarifying it was Johnkat at first. The controls didn't agree with me. Also, I can't say I'll always update this quickly. Yeah, so this intro may be kind of boring, but I swear there is more JohnKat later on! Oh yeah, and the grammar isn't perfect in dialogue, because the character's grammar isn't very top notch in general. I guess I should warn you: Future POV switch mid-chapter, Karkat cursing like a sailor, bad fish puns, umm, I guess RoseKan and possible others later on. Also, John is a lovable idiot.**

Chapter 2

Today was another useless day on the meteor. You hate all of those f*cking pukeheads and their excuses for entertainment. Why would anybody _want_ to calculate how many f*cking sweeps three pathetic human years were?

You guess you know the answer to that. Rose and Kanaya. They would probably mash their faces together over the discovery of some sh*tty calculator. What *sshole decided to make repeated decimals anyway?! Guess who certainly doesn't give a sh*t?

And another useless dream bubble is in sights. Great. You planned to meet up with Meenah, but as loyal you were to her and your goal of becoming a threshecutioner, everyone is just really g*dd*nmed agitating today. Too bad Gamz went f*cking psycho and ended up being Terezi's kissmesiss. Could use a moirail right now. Or maybe just a friend.

Great, your ChumpRoll tells you who is online. Which is absolutely nobody. Nobody besides these tools stranded on this f*cking meteor with you. Let's review for reference, anyway. Dave. Screw Strider. Terezi. She's probably with f*cking Strider. Rose. As cheery as she is, you think you would rather look for emotional support almost anywhere else. Kanaya. Last time you spoke with her the alcohol from Lalonde was on her breathe. You are sure that they are too busy with that. The Mayor. Hell. F*cking. No. Gamzee. We did go over his betrayal to all of your feelings, ever, right?

Welp. The best option was clearly Kanaya. You technically shouldn't get in the way of her and her matesprit, as many a movie has taught you, but she also shouldn't leave you alone in your times of need. She knows she's your closest friend as of now.

CG: WHEN YOU ARE DONE WITH YOUR GROSS FACE SMASHING I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A BRIEF WORD.

CG: PREFERRABLY BEFORE THIS DREAM BUBBLE GETS TO US.

CG: IF NOT SOMETIME AFTER.

CG: I HOPE YOU CONSIDER THIS BECAUSE I WAS DOING SO WELL AT NOT F*CKING CUSSING TO BE POLITE.

CG: BUT SCREW THAT.

CG: EVERYONE'S BUSY.

GA: Karkat I Am So Sorry I Did Not Respond In A Desired Timeframe.

GA: But I Assure You I Am Quite Concerned And On My Way To The Main Corridor.

CG: IS ROSE WITH YOU?

GA: I Can Assure You That I Am Obediently Leaving Her With The Mayor As A Temporary Guardian.

GA: What Is Troubling You?

CG: THE METEOR.

CG: DEAD COMRADES.

CG: F*CKING STRIDER AND TEREZI AND GAMZEE AND..

CG: JUST EVERY-F*CKING-BODY AROUND ME ACTS LIKE AN IDIOT AND I'M GETTING SICK OF IT.

GA: Don't You Approach Others In Dream Bubbles?

CG: IT DOESN'T HELP THAT EVERY *SSHOLE THE EYES CAN SEE IS DEAD.

GA: Not Everyone Is Dead.

CG: I AM STILL ALIVE.

CG: AND TEREZI.

CG: I THINK GAMZEE IS.

CG: DO ANY OF THOSE NAMES SOUND LIKE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T ON THIS F*CKING METEOR?

GA: Well, There Are God Tiers, And Not All Of Us Are Exactly Dead.

GA: I Do See Where You Are Coming From Though.

GA: Perhaps I Can Encourage Befriending Dave, Or Socializing With Rose And I?

GA: We Really Are Not As Bad As You Believe We Are.

CG: I KNOW YOU ARE BEING LOGICAL ABOUT THIS WHOLE D*NMED SITUATION.

CG: STOP THAT.

CG: WE'RE ALL DEAD.

CG: OR GOING TO BE DEAD.

CG: HAVE DIED.

CG: ET CETERA.

CG: JACK IS FOLLOWING US.

CG: WE WILL HAVE TO FACE LORD ENGLISH, OH LOOK, YET ANOTHER BIG, SCARY, AND OMINOUS ENEMY.

CG: THAT'S JUST F*CKING PERFECT. LET'S THROW A MAKEOUT PARADE WITH SMUPPETS AND COTTON CANDY.

GA: Karkat.

CG: NO.

GA: Karkat.

CG: WHAAAAAAT?

GA: You Are Acting Like A Child. A Spoiled Child Who Didn't Get What They Wanted.

GA: Do You Know How Lucky You Are To Still Be Alive?

GA: Very.

GA: I Do Not Intend To Shout But I Fear That I Must If You Do Not Control This Temper Of Yours For A Single Moment.

GA: Now.

GA: Karkat.

CG: ..YES?

GA: Your Options Are Sucking It Up And Moving On.

GA: Or Jumping Off Of The Meteor.

GA: I Do Not Quite Know If The Solutions Present Fit The Problem But I Feel Like The Problem Is Rather Too Difficult To Define Itself.

GA: What Will You Choose?

CG: SIGH

CG: I GUESS I CAN STAND A LITTLE WHILE LONGER.

GA: That Is My Good Karkat.

GA: Now Come Here So I Can Hug You You Poor Thing.

Your conversation with Kanaya, despite having pointed out the fault in your logic, helped a lot. Or maybe that was the hug. Kanaya is a good friend. But now you're on entering the bubble, as Terezi always dutifully notifies everybody. Meeting with Meenah won't be that bad. Why were you stalling anyway?

As you enter the bubble with your memories, and shoo a stray Ampora, you can tell something is amiss. It's sort of like that feeling you get when you are first experiencing the bubbles. The memory is all wrong and you're just waiting for something to break that strange tension. But nothing really seems wrong. Perhaps you are just feeling that way because people have gotten into your bubble and it's been bugging you seeing them in there again without you around to guard precious memories. WHAT IS KANKRI DOING IN THAT MEMORY? Oh well, it's gone now. Once a memory has been hijacked by one of his sermons you're done. Might as well go into your hive.

Jeez, Meenah sure did pick through the hive this time. Things are all askew as if she examined the halls thoroughly. Like she's never seen a hive before. Then again, being a greedy fish princess could cause side-effects like stealing everything she sees that has value. That reminds you, you need to see how her bubble black market is going.

"Shouty hurry up, we're in here!" Meenah yelled from your room. She always made herself at home. But who is with her?

"Hi, Meenah." You couldn't help but knot your shoulders and hope that this memory hadn't left your room in a terrible state.

"Is that him?" A hushed voice asked. For f*cks sake they were bad at whispering.

"Clamp it, he'll hear you." Meenah whispered back. As you approached your room she grinned and went back in. You didn't like it. Apprehension filling every step, you gradually got closer, and eager to discover who was there, yet somewhat… scared. Who did Meenah trust enough to let into there? Wouldn't she know that only people you wanted in could come in?

You walk through your doorway and-

"KARKAT!"

"WHAT THE F*CK?"

A boy in a blue windsock lunged forward and hugged you. This boy was John Egbert. You hadn't spoken to him since before the scratch, you think. You had never met him in person either, but god/gog, who would've thought John was this tall? John was taller than you, not surprising, but looked to be above Meenah too. Only, you wouldn't give him the satisfaction of looking up at his face. Instead, you sort of just stood there clenching your fists.

He was also warm. Very warm. On the meteor it was cold and damp, but John was so warm in those few seconds he hugged you. You found your arms quickly reaching to grasp his back. Holding the soft god tier's shirt to steady yourself from the dizziness that was being embraced by him, you wondered what you were doing.

Currently, anybody would be pleased to be reunited with an old friend. Hug him back through tears of joy. You felt the warmth rushing to your cheeks thinking about many similar hug scenes in romcoms. This was always a happy moment. But for some reason, you've never really liked the human emotion called friendship. This just f*cking pissed you off.

**A/N: I could not resist a hug, I am so sorry that the description of the scene is so clichéd. This next chapter should be amusing.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Don't hurt me, but this is a lot different from what I was expecting. Also, I'm in my writing mode, all with Homestuck updating, and Hetalia day, so I will update TWICE in the period of two days AGAIN. Booyah! This chapter is long, but the next one is dreadfully short, so be prepared to realize that I'm not giving you much more than what a normal update SHOULD look like. Unfortunately none of my updates are up to desired length yet, because I write short chapters to update sooner. Review! (Check out my other AU I'm writing, I should post it soon if I haven't already.)**

Chapter 3

Why are you hugging Karkat? Ohmigoshwhat?! He's so tiny. The little troll with ragged hair, he wasn't any taller given his horns length. You knew you were tall, but dang, you didn't expect this. He. Was. Just. So. D*nm. Cute. You mean… umm, platonically. That is definitely what you meant.

Oh yeah, you're still hugging him. He put his hands on your back, and burrowed his face into your shirt. For some reason, he wouldn't look up at you. Karkat wasn't cold. That was really surprising. You had thought that trolls were all cold because of their alienness. Or at least, in the many times that you've bumped into Vriska, Aranea, or Meenah, you have felt shivers travel down your spine. Meenah was cold as ice. This was not the same. He was actually _warm. _Almost too warm… in fact, really hot. Like burning. The sensation burned through your body, and rested in your cheeks.

You should probably stop hugging him now. Before you could, however, Karkat started flipping out in a rage. That was your good ol' Karkat. Halfway through his rant about privacy and personal space, he needed to take a breath. His cheeks were flushed from yelling, and the way his cheeks puffed like some sort of animal was so adorable it made you giggle. Wait, what were you thinking? Your mind was being uncooperative that day.

"Wow, I'm so glad to be finally meeting you, Karkat!"

"What?!"

"Umm…"

"I have done nothing but yell at you, and you have the nerve to interrupt and say you're glad to meet me?!"

"Well… I am!"

He glared at you for a second. "Idiot." Before retreating to slouching against the wall, Karkat bumped into your shoulder really harshly. Ow.

Meenah smirked at both of you "You two done hugging-"

"BROHUGGING AS BEST BROS!" You corrected her as a reflex.

"_Affectionately_?" She emphasized the word more than a fish pun, "Or shell I go for a while and let you guys pick up where you left off?"

"Meenah. I am not in the mood for your b*llsh*t, today."

"Soooooooo, what's this?" You eagerly started asking billions of questions about the alien objects scattered about the room. The only thing that stopped you was Karkat's sigh of frustration at your mass of questions.

"Shouty, I'm gonna head flout for a drink, want me to come back with anything?" Meenah asked getting off of the edge of the computer desk.

You perked up, "Can you bring me a water, pretty please, Meenah?"

"Anything for you, shouty?"

"Just an, umm, a water." Karkat was unusually quiet suddenly. What could be wrong? Was it something you did? Oh no, it probably was. Was he sensitive about all of the alien questions? Was it rude to hug trolls?

"Got it." Meenah headed out, and left the room silent. When your stomach growled Karkat jolted his head up. The sudden noise surprised you too.

"Can you even get f*cking hungry in a dream bubble?" He asked.

"I suppose so."

"Screw it, I'm hungry too. Come on." Karkat led you to the kitchen area of the hive, it seemed somewhat normal.

"What do aliens eat?" You couldn't help asking as he pulled something from the pantry. Your mouth watered as you saw a bag of really unhealthy and salty looking chips. Dad had never let you eat them, and he always opted for the healthy kinds of chips. The gross ones. You couldn't help moving forward when you saw the junk food.

"This seems relatively safe." Karkat put the bag on the table, and you instantly sat down, not daring to touch the bag until he advanced. However, he wouldn't even sit down.

"Kaaaaaaaarkat! Sit!" You didn't wait for an answer, but got up and pushed him into the chair opposite yours. He opened the chip bag for you both to munch on. After a while, he stopped reaching for the bag. The same expression from earlier had settled. Something was definitely wrong.

He was about to speak, but you interrupted. "I'm sorry if I did something wrong, asking about alien stuff. Or hugging you. Or I guess asking Meenah to let me come with. Don't look so sad! Please tell me what I did wrong!" Karkat's expression worsened. He was trying to form words, but no sound came out.

Finally, he said, "John, how come this is the first time I've seen you in the three year trip?"

"I-I-umm… I don't know. I've been searching. For a long time I tried to find all of you on the meteor. Eventually, I, I guess I was too busy with the pirate trolls and Jack and I was visiting the dream bubbles less and less. I haven't been asleep for as long lately." He looked so in pain from being alone. You had no excuse.

"I haven't found you or Jade. I looked for a while. The meteor is so lifeless and lonely… I am the only one there without a quadrant with any of them." Karkat was hurt. You saw genuine brokenness in his eyes. Oh, what you would have done to fix that. What could you have done?

"I'm sorry…" How did you screw this up so bad?

"STOP G*DD*NMED APOLOGIZING EGBERT! YOU DID NOTHING WRONG AND YOUR IDIOTIC BUCK TEETH GRIN, STUPID MAGNIFIED EYES, AND SMALL APOLOGETIC VOICE IS STARTING TO TICK ME OFF! WHY THE F*CK ARE YOU SO SET ON STUBBORNLY BEING PATHETIC AND ASSUMING EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT?" But, this time, and many other times, it is. This is all your fault. Why didn't you just find him?

"I'm, err…" Sorry? Oh wait… you're glad you didn't just say that last part.

"ARE YOU SORRY? FOR WHAT JOHN!?"

"I'm not…" What are you trying to say?

"I SWEAR, EGBERT HUMAN, IF THE WORDS NOT A HOMOSEXUAL COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!" What?!

"THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE, WHO WOULD SAY THAT IN THIS CONVERSATION?" You were frustrated with his random yelling. Who would even bring that up in a completely unrelated fit?

"AN IDIOT LIKE YOU"

You couldn't muster the courage to respond. You had many things to apologize for. You didn't like this. Why was Karkat always so mean? You had just hoped… all you had hoped was that he wouldn't really be so- so hurtful. That you hadn't hurt him enough to where he'd be compelled to hurt you. A single teardrop skid down your face. You had no idea why.

You just royally screwed up. You just made John cry.

"I didn't mean it, John, I'm sorry I went off like that, it's just that I can't help it. You just kept on being annoying and apologizing, and that's such a stupid reason now that I think about it. You aren't an idiot John. I don't even know why I brought that other part up…" You were never any good at apologizing.

He kept on crying, sinking to the ground muttering to himself. "I just never expected this. I kept on searching and… I" His voice was small and raspy. "I should have kept searching, gotten there sooner, apologized sooner. You've been so lonely and I just let you be lonely after I hurt you." What was Egbert rambling about?

"John, you didn't hurt me."

"The meteor must be so cold and dark. I can't believe I thought it was unfair to me when you've had to deal with your dead friends' bodies and old memories." You can't not admit that the last remark shot you though the heart. He was really, really, right. But so incorrect at the same time.

"No John, if I had just been a better leader, I could have stopped it all. I was a coward. I got myself into this."

"And you remembered me rejecting you because I'm not a homosexual. You did that because I hurt you."

"No, I did because it was so stupid." You were too ashamed to swear at him. Reminded of your friends' death, it was getting hard to comfort the idiot crying in your kitchen.

"I apologized too late. And I hurt you. Why am I such an idiot?" You really wondered if he was hearing you.

"You aren't the idiot. I am." He hadn't realized it, but you were facing what you had always avoided. This fact was never true. You are a hero. You'll be great, fill all of your quadrants, win Sgrub, it is remarkable how much old dreams stick with you. You couldn't face that you were the real idiot for believing that. Yet somehow, to comfort this boy, you said it aloud. You weren't proud of it, but you were sure your face looked the same as before when John thought something was wrong.

"Did I hurt you again?"His angelic voice pierced you.

"No, John. I hurt me. You're hurting you. Please stop."

"I'm sorry."He slid his arms around your waist and knocked you down. His warm hug had turned cold, and the beating of your heart no longer weighed out the silence. The only thing that you were aware of was John.

He was crying into your chest. And your nose nuzzled into his hair. John's body rested against yours and almost automatically adjusted to not hurt you. As some latent reflex, you pushed his head back gently, and removed his glasses. Being extremely gentle, you folded them and placed them a distance away.

His sobbing seemed to fade as your hand slid in calming circles on his back. Your worries dried as he recovered. For some reason he adjusted again, almost sitting on you while using you as a pillow, and bringing his head onto your shoulder. When you lifted his head to dry his tears, he stopped you with his light-as-a-feather touch. Instead, he pushed your hand under your own eye. You had been crying.

You think he almost smiled, brushing your tears away. As soon as he was done, and looking unfocusedly at your face without his glasses, you wiped away his tears. He seemed to return his head to your shoulder, with a pained but not miserable expression.

"How are you?" You asked as gently as you could.

He lifted his head once more to meet your eyes. "I'm better." That was it. You could not take how gently pretty this boy was. How his lashes gleamed, laced with tears. How his smile was always trying to return. How his hair fell onto his forehead perfectly. How his little giggles at things like your tears made your heart toss. How his graceful arms glided around your shoulders as he thanked you, and how yours returned to buckle around his waist in sync. This kid was incorrigible.

But you never said that could stop you from lightly brushing his cheek with your lips before taking a turn at the head-on-shoulder game. Your fervid blush was the only thing in the universe that mattered. That, and the fact that you were pretty f*cking sure the other boy's lips had almost followed yours before your head retreated.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**A/N: Here it is as promised in the two day period. I won't be posting the next chapter for a bit, because now I am working on another story, but I won't make you wait long.**** This one has plot, I hope. Or leads to plot, at least. I don't know, I'm tempted to leave this as a cliff-hanger, but I won't. Review!**

Nope! No matter what anyone thought, you were in no way gay. Not a chance. Sure, you had an emotional crisis and ended up hugging Karkat in tears, but that meant nothing. Nope. Your crisis was a result of some traumatic stuff from the past, not getting into it, but even Karkat had had mental breakdowns before. Okay, maybe not the best example. Still, teary eyed Karkat just touched your heart like aww, he did care. Behind all of his anger he was really kind and just wanted to help his best friend.

Where is Meenah? Surely she would have returned by now? Right? Wrong. You have no idea where she is. You have no idea where you are for that matter, you think, as you observe the change in surroundings.

"Hey Karkat, what happened to the kitchen?" The room had changed, it looked like an ancient computer lab and the ectobiology chamber in the veil had a kid, you mean, if rooms could have children.

Karkat looked alarmed, and instantly scrambled away from you. "Be quiet Egbert." His chest rose and fell very quickly. The dark eyes that all trolls had darted around rapidly. They settled on something nearby that was unusually clumpy. It was really cold in this room. You moved closer to Karkat for his warmth. He no doubt noticed, but didn't mind for the moment, because he was panicking about place you were in now. If his memory changed your surroundings on accident, then he had to think of this place.

"Where are we?"

"The meteor." He rolled his eyes and spoke as if it was the most obvious thing ever. Still, he kept his voice low and his words short.

"Gasp!" How did you even get there?

"I said shhhh!"

"But my friends are here!"

"I highly doubt it f*ck*ss."

"Huh?" What did he mean? Why wouldn't they be there, it _was_ the meteor. In fact, where were they? You thought you might've heard something, but it was so quiet you assumed it was more like one of your shoes hitting the floor gently. However, Karkat reacted with more alert, and probably better alien hearing.

"Hide!" Karkat pulled you down behind a heap of clown horns just as a troll transportialized into the room. His eyes locked onto the ground near the troll and his breathing stopped. You hadn't noticed at first because of the dim lighting, but there were some colors all over the floor near the transportializer. A somewhat green color, some pinkish, some mustard yellow. A honk filled the room.

"Best friend, where'd you go?" A sinister voice matched the creepy look to the guy. You probably would've died of fear right then if Karkat hadn't been holding your arm so tightly. The clownish character sat at a computer and opened what looked like the troll version of pesterchum. While he viewed a memo he laughed and laughed for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, the troll left.

Karkat turned to you, and you swear you've never seen him like this before. "Egbert." His face was riddled with anxiety. "We should leave this memory."

"Call me by my first name!" He would not answer your constant questions about the memory as he dragged you out the manual exit. Something gave you the idea that the memory wasn't a pleasant one. And those colors on the floor, you could only think about how trolls had colorful blood the entire time. Which ones were those colors? Hacker troll… fish girl… and Rose's troll? Oh no! This had to be that time Karkat never wanted to talk about, the time his best friend went crazy and killed a lot of his other friends. From what you can remember, it wasn't only the clown, but the clown certainly left the largest mark on Karkat.

"Stop pulling me around!" You ordered him. For a moment he was surprised, and then he simply crossed his arms. The face he gave you was a face that said he would win this.

"What now?"

"Karkat, tell me what this memory is before I start guessing." He didn't believe you. Well, you could make him. "Sometime when you were in the veil." His eyes widened. "Nobody is around so this is around before the scratch when-"

"SHUT UP!"

"Tell me."

"Yeah, fine, this is when Gamzee-" He caught himself before going on. "When every-f*cking-body started killing each other." You couldn't believe he'd actually said it. All you knew was that where you were wasn't safe if murderous trolls wandered around without knowing they were dreaming. Even doomed timeline ones.

You started walking, "Then let's get out of here." Karkat spent no time joining you. But you had spent too long dawdling.

"Best friend."

"Oh f*ck!"

"Honk honk." You cannot describe how scary that sound was. But you can regrettably say you screamed as the next event happened.

An arrow flew past your head at freaky speeds. Karkat knew how to dodge, fortunately, as another arrow flew at him. All the while he was muttering profanities of all manners and possibly hyperventilating. You had to do something about this. But what? Think Egbert! Think!

"Karkat, next arrow, run, run quickly." He would not listen to you, he only shook his head in denial as you dodged another arrow. Gamzee advanced a few steps and reached for his other club-like weapon. Luckily, you knocked it out of his hand with the wind. He kept tight hold of the bow.

"No!" Karkat was being stubborn. "One of us or both will get hit!"

"I can do a windy thing, you just get out. Don't even try to dodge. I'll be okay and I'll cover you." That was a total lie. If an arrow is shot, and Karkat runs, he won't be able to dodge. You'll have to do something. But the windy escape thingy would let the arrow keep flying through the spot he was at.

There was no time to waste as the troll knocked another arrow into place. "Go!" You pushed Karkat as the arrow was released.

"John!"

You jumped into the arrows path. Instead of letting your body become the breeze as it does so naturally, you force yourself to stay solid. God, Karkat better be running fast enough. An arrow can't kill you, surely. Meenah throws tridents at you for fun! But then again… under every circumstance so far, you have dispersed or awoken too soon. This time you won't be so lucky.

Silence overwhelms you as Karkat's voice becomes the only thing you hear.

His voice echoes a desperate cry.

His voice screams your first name.

You can only think about your mistake.

What have you done, John?


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**A/N: This is why I hate writing cliff-hangers, I just can't escape them. Hopefully this will suffice! Review! I love your ****suffering**** feedback! Rawr.**

If f*cking Egbert had been a little faster, you wouldn't be in this mess. Gamzee in his doomed timelines likes to roam through the meteor memory when he went sober. He prefers the one where he killed more of us. You just had to go and remember that, wow, you really hate yourself.

The windbag's plan was apparently to be a hero, great job airhead, and try to save you. How did he think you would believe him and actually run? Sure, a little push might've worked on your insolent coplayers, but you are as stubborn as a rock. A quality you think you should be proud of.

The next moments weren't your greatest, you will admit, but you wouldn't change it one bit. If you did you would never forgive yourself. That doesn't seem too bad, considering you don't forgive yourself for letting this happen either, but you have to choose what to hate yourself more for sometimes.

The arrow was being released, John was closing his eyes tight, all you could do was scream, or so it seemed. Sure, you unconsciously found the ability to scream his first name, but that only could mean so much. But your actions on the other hand, your body wouldn't agree with the inability to do anything, and it acted on its own, doing what you were too frozen on the inside to do. The boy in front of you was ridiculously light. Easy to push. Easy to replace the position of. Too easy. His face is of horror and worry, and then he slams into the wall, and disappears. He woke up. Wow, Egbert was so f*cking lucky.

One moment you were saving Karkat, the next you felt a bump, and the very next you were awake. No. No. What happened? You thought you had been there to stop the arrow. No. Why?

"John?" A familiar voice brought you into reality.

"Hmm?"

"You've been sitting there muttering 'no' for a while now, are you okay?" Jade was always there for you on the meteor. Right. You had forgot.

"_I'm_ fine."

"Is someone else not fine?"

"I, he, I don't know how it, whatever happened…" You couldn't form words.

"I think you need to talk about what happened with someone who can help you get your thoughts in order, do you want me to-"

"I'm fine, just a bad dream." Her red shoes clicked over to you.

Jade put her hand on your shoulder, "When you're ready to talk, I'm here. Be careful in the dream bubbles." She walked away, respecting your unspoken need for privacy, leaving you with Casey. Your loyal salamander was sleeping at your feet. Perhaps you could confide in her? No, you need someone who can give you advice. Someone who can reassure you. Someone who is smarter than you. Where is Rose when you need her?

"Hoo hoo hoo!" Your frown almost became a smile.

"Nanna!"

"What's the matter, John?" Her ghostly rhasp mixed well with her grandmotherly caring voice.

You couldn't help stuttering. "I-I, well, sorta messed up."

"What happened?"

"Well, I entered a dream bubble that was dangerous…"

Nanna nodded comprehensively, "The bubbles are rather unstable as of late. I had thought that they recently regulated, but dropped again. I was just hopeful."

"I had a friend who was in trouble, and I tried to save him… but I guess I couldn't because the next thing I knew I was awake."

"You are a god tier now, John. You should have a subconscial control over your wind powers." But wait, if you had control then you would've stayed where the arrow was headed for. Wait again, your subconcial control? What's that?

"Nanna, I don't understand, what's a subconscial control?"

"Hoo, hoo, hoo, it's probably a term I just made up. What I meant was that your subconscious can control your wind powers the way it sees fit now that you are a god tier!"

"So my mind makes decisions that I don't about the wind…"

"It's your mind, but it works without filtering through your main thought process often because it isn't as loud."

"Oh." You had gone silent. If what she was saying was true, then that means your mind chose protecting yourself over Karkat. No! Why would you do that! There was no way! Maybe you're just a coward.

"John!" Jade entered the room quickly. You must've been thinking for a while longer than you thought before nanna's interruption because Jade looked like she had been away for a while; her hair was messier, and she had changed into normal clothing from her god tier.

"What?"

"Something happened!" She paused to catch her breath. "Come on!" Jade pulled you with her down the long corridors of the ship, golden like Prospit's moon would have been. It reminds you of your past issues with sleeping. Instead of Jade's company and oracle clouds, you got nightmares and were kept in the dark from her source of knowledge. One day you'd have to thank her for saving you. She keeps telling you that's how it had to happen, but still, she sacrificed her dreamself for you. Doesn't Jade earn a little bit of gratitude?

Down the next hall you saw dim lights coming out of one room. Occasional flashes of neons caught your attention from the same room, _what's going on in there?_, you thought tentatively. Stray feathers with an orange tint were nearby, and you knew instantly who was in there. Still, what was waiting for you?

As Jade pulled you inside the room she started talking again, "Check out what we did for Casey's birthday party!"

"Remember when we didn't get excited over amphibian's birthdays and act like someone had died or something?" You sighed as you realized it was more time-passing nonsense she was always up to.

"Party pooper." She glared at you. "And I don't recall that! Do you remember your pet lizard a couple years before Sburb? We got SO much more excited for that thing's party!"

"By party you mean funeral."

"I had you record that thing and send it on a video file."

"It wasn't that funny."

"Yeah it was! Your dad said a couple prayers for the thing and buried it with its favorite sweets and a mustache!"

You were mostly silent. "I miss dad's pranks."

Jade looked at you for a moment not realizing what she had said. "I miss my grandpa, too." You knew she really did. Every year you both visit a memorial on your planets you made with your consorts help. When you guys visited her memorial, she brought flowers she grew, pistols, blue women photos, artifacts, and other tributes to the old man, while you brought kind words and things your father had taught you to bring to funerals. When you were at dad's memorial though, it was different. You didn't do traditional funeral things, that was Jade's job at dad's grave, instead you brought Betty Crocker products made by nanna, new pranks you had discovered, shaving cream, and his pipe and hat. The conditions of your planet often ruined the pipe and hat, but luckily you made new ones with alchemy every time. You're sure he would have loved it.

For a while you were swept away in preparations for Casey's party. It was nice. You guys no longer kept strict track of days and nights, so whenever the consorts, who kept excellent track of night and day, went to sleep, you guys normally followed.

Once it was nighttime again you laid down on your bed thinking about everything that had happened. The dark room around you started to creep you out as you thought of the killer clown and imps for some reason, so you distracted your vision with your goggles. Even though only Jade and Dave sprite were available, you got on pesterchum. People always said reading helps to sleep, so you opened old pesterlogs and read relentlessly. Eventually you got to the handle carcinoGeneticist. For fun you opened his first conversation with you and read from his perspective. You giggled like a girl reading his incomprehensible alien insults, and had to take breaths to stop laughing at the awkwardness of your first conversation. While you moved on you realized why Karkat was always so irritated by your knowledge. Why didn't he just pester you linearly and completely disregard the first conversation? You guess he never thought things through like that. Neither did you. For once you fell asleep peacefully and stayed asleep for the rest of the night.

**A/N: I'm sorry it sucks! Wahh. I wrote with a sticky keyboard which irritates me so much, so I couldn't focus and I ended up recovering badly from the last chapter. I don't know how I'm gonna get out of this one either. Review because I love them, and I will answer questions! I really liked the frantic reviews last chapter because that is EXACTLY how I would've felt. Thanks guys!**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

**A/N: I am so sorry that I forgot to post this. My plan is dialogue it up for a while, and I'll give you a nice descriptive chapter next. Also I heard Hussie wanted more sadstuck, so if it doesn't make it into this story, it will be in another. :D Oh, and this will seem pretty confusing until… probably the end, actually! Because, guess what, I'm a jerk and I like to confuse people. No, I have a legit reason that I'll get into sometime. I could give up that idea.**

Your name is Rose Lalonde, and you are drunk. Again. When intoxicated you tend to come into very strange habits. Therapist, can town secretary and whatever title you use, seer, and girlfriend, you are a very busy woman. Somehow you have made time to sneak away from Kanaya's auspitizing lessons and learn what you can from another source. Her beauty is sometimes too distracting. Also, additional lessons stick to your memory a bit better than typical ones.

Dave stopped you while you proceeding downstairs. "You drunk?"

"Nahhhh, I only had a few drinks."

"This is a problem, Rose." He paused. "I'm brotherly concerned."

"Yeah well what you should be worried bout is Terezi's problem," You are fairly sure that if there was ever away to throw Dave off, this would be it. It so far had proven to be a method out of very few to throw someone, especially Dave, off by bringing up someone they cared about.

"Don't change the subject."

"The subject hasn't changed, hehe, Terezi is just like me!"

"Not really."

"Is Faygo alcoholic for trolls?"

"Rose."

"Hehe, I bet she falls down staircases A TON."

"Rooose." His voice was desperate, and something told you that you were winning this encounter.

"You keep putting off talking to her."

"No I don't and I'll prove it to you! I will go over and talk to her about myself!" You managed to make him angry already, so he didn't hesitate this time escaping your provocative insanity.

"Taataa!" Dave wasn't an idiot, but he hadn't noticed that you were tricking him. Even drunk you were clever, like dang. Oh hey things are kinda dizzy to you, perhaps you should sit down and close your eyes. Maybe even lay down and, oh hey, you're falling, and now everything is dark.

When you came back to you were not in the same place. You had been moved, probably by Kanaya, and god your head hurt. Like metallic blocks clanging together on endless repeat in your head, and charcoaled smears blocking the dim and silvery light of the meteor, oh wait, that's your eyelids, what were you saying anyway?

A voice breached the darkness and forced you to open your eyes, with the sharpness of the noise and fluorescence stinging. "Stop getting so g*dd*nmed wasted and maybe this wouldn't happen."

"Huh?" You sat up and looked to the source of the sound. Not a good idea.

"Don't get up, you'll just f*cking complain about it."

"Be quiet. I'm dizzy."

"Were you coming to ask more f*cking questions about quadrants?"

"Probably. Ergh."

"You shouldn't ask me. What do I know?"

"Aww, did something happen, Karkat?"

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you thought when the time came you would have the best luck in quadrants. Status: Lost moirail. No kissmesis, only people who you'd consider for the ashen quadrant is somehow unavailable. No matesprit, same circumstances as kissmesis really. No need for an ausptitice. Nobody to auspitize. You blew it with John in any quadrant. You will never see him again, as you have decided, you are going to rot away on this meteor, never see him in another dream bubble, and he will forget that you ever existed.

"Nothing happened, Lalonde." You glared at her with warning eyes, daring her to challenge your statement.

She did anyway, "Yes, something did."

"You're correct, but it's none of your f*cking business."

"I would like to regardless know what makes your sweeps of quadrant experience somehow, in your eyes, invalid."

"Lalonde." Of course you made sure to sound extremely testy.

"Vantas." Rose imitated your low voice, and to be honest, probably sounded lower than you.

This time you gave in, just a little. "I messed up."

"Oh? Perhaps my lessons have payed off and I can help?"

"It's not a f*cking quadrant issue." Okay, you have trouble defending this statement. It really was. Or a lack of quadrants to be specific. Why do you never think these things through? Actually, why are you even talking to Rose about this? You know what? Screw it, might as well tell someone about your troubles. Why not the Lalonde?

"Ah, human love troubles then?" She spoke in a tone that denied the inquiry even being a question.

"How did you-?!"

"It is dreadfully obvious to me." Rose knew you would respond like that. Her seer powers made it easy for her to predict many things with accuracy. You assume that doesn't disclude your entire life.

"Then please tell me everything that is 'dreadfully obvious' to you."

She seemed pleased that you had challenged her abilities. "You have developed feelings, likely of the red variety, for-" Her analysis paused as she was no doubt calculating what to say without angering you. "someone who has no understanding of quadrants. Am l warm yet?"

You grumbled a barely audible response. Rose forced you to say it again. "F*CKING BULLSEYE, ROSE LALONDE, YOU HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT. CONGRATS FOR THAT. DO YOU WANT A COOKIE, BECAUSE YOU DESERVE ONE. NOW I CAN REST EASY AND NOT FRET OVER STUPID DRAMA BECAUSE THE SEER OF LIGHT KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON."

"Karkat, how can l help? John has been my friend for a long time."

"There isn't anything you can do."

When she paused for a moment, as if considering what information to give you, somehow you knew that she'd meddle. "Oh, it's really not that simple, Karkat," She paused sinisterly. "Is it that I cannot help or that you won't accept it?" Rose had a way of getting to your head by challenging your words like that. She fiddled with your motives too. Her acting like she could read your thoughts alone infuriated you enough, but she also was right most of the time, even when you were certain that you were telling the truth.

"Rose, please do not mother*cking meddle."

"No, no l do not have the power to do so. I have another quest in mind." Her word choice was beginning to scare you.

"Quest? What the everloving f*ck are you talking about?!"

"This is now my task to take on." Her smile of false sincerity could be venomous. "There is nothing I wouldn't do for a friend!"

"So you got bored and decided to meddle with my life to pass the time?"

"Karkat, I am going to help you reunite with John whether you like it or not."

"Why bother, what do you owe me?"

"I owe John, and Kanaya will be pleased for the chance to…" Rose paused.

"I've known her longer, you don't have to try to hide the fact that she'll meddle." It wasn't like the fact wasn't obvious. You still remember Kanaya's auspitizing days of constant meddling. That actually reminds you of a movie in which…

"Yeah, Karkat, I don't know why I bothered. But on a more serious note, I know some people who can relay messages to the ship. Last time l checked John was on the ship.'' You looked at her blankly, "Unless there is something you haven't told me?"

"This is too easy. Is there something I don't know?"

She grinned to you, "Explain what happened with John."

"Why?"

"I don't know enough about the situation."

You explained the dream bubble carefully. "I was meeting with Meenah at my hive. I guess for some reason she brought John. When l got there, f*cking Egbert hugged me, you humans are g*dd*mned affectionate, and we just talked until Meenah decided to go get something, it was such a retarded excuse that l can't remember what it was."

"Please continue." Rose, possibly sarcastically, pretended to be giving the first part of your story equal attention.

"When she left we were hungry so we went to the kitchen to get food. Egbert started freaking out then, apologizing for hurting me, and I had to comfort him. I guess l may have gotten angry with him, which set the f*ckt*rd off again. Or more. Somehow I actually stopped him from crying more, some miracle I guess." She had started eyeing you, clearly she was biting back her commentary. You kept talking. "He had recovered a lot afterwards. I stopped yelling, but he had I guess made me remember a memory that brought us into the meteor from Gamzee's rampage where his doomed timelines like to hang out and kill non-alphas. Well, more like target practice."

"Are you sure that John was sad-crying?"

"Did l f*cking stutter?"

"It's just that John tends to suppress sad emotions in front of others. It has quite the negative impact on him later." Something about her words stung. You hadn't thought of it that way before, but it made you start. Egbert had often denied things, he was slow, he apologized often, and eventually John realized what he had suppressed and blamed himself for not knowing sooner. The doofus could think Lord English was his fault if he didn't have such good friends to remind him that many things that had happened were out of his reach. Also you to blame, anyone with a brain would pin everything on you for all of the sucky things that have happened, like if you hadn't neglected your responsibilities of being a good Morail, creating a new universe, which ended up ruining claiming it in the first place, but nobody ever said that if someone_ was_ stupid enough to blame themselves, you wouldn't stop them from believing so; that was the only way to deal with the regret.

Rose waited patiently for you to continue. "Was I at Gamzee?"

"You were in the throes of a sudden setting change when l rudely interrupted the suspenseful tale."

"Oh yeah, Gamzee, creepy as f*ck, entered the room, honking and laughing, Eventually I-we tried to leave, but Gamz found us. We could only dodge as arrows were flung at us. Egbert decided it was a great plan to sacrifice himself so l could escape. He didn't seem to think a-f*cking-head, since I figured out what his bright idea was. He still managed to push me and attempt to take the next arrow. That kid couldn't push me hard enough, and l guess I curled back, because l ended up in the position he was pushed from."

"Karkat, I hate to be rude, but you and John are idiots. Neither of you would have died! You were both asleep, don't you know anything about the dream bubbles?"

"Neither of us knew that, and by the way, it was the thought that mattered."

"Jeez, all of this over that."

"You know, John thinks l'm dead. And we haven't been able to locate each other since. F*ck you."

"Fine then, you can say I understand, what will your message be?"

As you decided to lay down that night, relaying the message that you gave to Rose in your head, you also lay restless. The meteor was the opposite of warm and inviting, nobody would want to sleep there by choice. For higher bloods, temperature didn't really bother them, for mutants with candy red blood; you were f*cking shivering. Sh*t didn't really get colder than this, even for the meteors standards. Actually, for humans it was like with cold-blooded creatures, the climate felt different with them, the weak-*ss warm-blooded creatures were like low-bloods. You were pretty sure, at least, you heard the blood thing from one of the humans, which was it? Probably Dave, sometime on the meteor, but maybe you should check. For some reason there was a new button on trollian when you created your crab device, one that you had been too bored to press. Turns out the button fabricated the audio for entire conversation, a convenient tool for blind people you suppose, pretty late for that, though. Now you couldn't help but listen to these conversations every night.

You paused on one memo when a voice joined it. John. Only voices you had heard before could be fabricated. Now that you had heard his voice, any log he was in had the audio button now. For the first time in a long stream of nights, you did not sleep, did not wake plagued by gruesome, bloody nightmares. Instead, you were awake all night reading and rereading logs.

**A/N: So next chapter should be better, considering we're reaching the end soon. Maybe. If you review with any ideas will gladly take them**** (and morph them beyond recognition)**** into strict consideration. I like to hear feedback as well.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**A/N: Did I say ending soon?. . . Oops, I really have no idea. This is so late as well, I need to break my late habit. I'm so mad at myself for putting this in the canon universe because I can't kill off any characters. :(****I will find a way. I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!**

You had read his words so many times over that you had memorized them. If someone asked you to recite them, you wouldn't even hesitate.

"John, I guess you've been through a lot after the incident. I don't blame you, considering we're total idiots. I'm not dead, if that wasn't clear. The dream bubbles haven't shown me the way to tell you this in person, the shady f*ckers. Maybe I've just been- I don't even know. Look, there's a lot I wanna talk to you about not through messaging, sometime, maybe you could follow Meenah again? See you then Egbert."

In your excited mood you sent a response. Looking back you probably would have spent more time figuring out what to say, but it was a bit late for that. Maybe you could have asked for advice if you had. Speaking of advice, you should be paying more attention to Dave sprite, he wants help deciding where to go with a comic.

"What has you so happy lately?" He asked.

"Oh, it's nothing."

"Man, remember when it was hard to tell when you were lying?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't really think you'd care."

"Just because I'm part bird doesn't mean I don't care." He had a point. Even though he was from another timeline, Dave sprite was your friend! Sometimes you really did keep yourself separated from other people on the ship, so much so that you forgot what they really meant to you. Your nanna, your sister, your friend who came back in time to save you, they meant a lot. Maybe you should start trusting them more.

You sighed. "I guess it all started when I couldn't sleep."

Dave sprite eyed you suspiciously. "When you came to me asking about sprite powers?"

"Hehehe, yeah. Exactly then." You went on to tell him about everything that had happened, some details excluded. It wasn't that you didn't trust him with the whole story, but some things were private. He would understand.

"So what did you say in your response to his letter?"

You're tired. Tired of walking down poorly lit corridors expecting to be mauled by an insane clown. People really needed to start hanging out in less faraway places on the meteor. Maybe you'll post a meteor memo about it later. Then again, you probably wouldn't, everybody should stay far, far, away from each other and you, but that's just in your opinion.

Why did Kanaya and Rose call you down to the main room anyway? If there was a dream bubble in sight Terezi would probably jump to announce it, so that was out. Sometimes they wanted specific details on events that happened in your Sburb session, but that was only when Rose was sober, and when Kanaya didn't know enough about the event. You guess if anyone knew about every major event from the game, it would probably be you, since you were constantly being told about it from the past and the future idiots that would complain to you or make fun of you.

"Karkat!" Even all of the way across the room you could tell that Rose was drunk.

"Guess whose message yielded a response?" Kanaya put her excited meddling voice on.

"John sent a message?!" You cleared your throat. In that question you showed far too much excitement. Kanaya noticed like the diligent conciliatory force she always was. Whether black or red she tended to notice how people spoke and looked.

Rose reached new levels of freaky when she smiled. "Yessiiiiiiiiiiree!"

"Would you like to hear it?"

You stopped walking. "Do you mean he didn't write it down?"

"Remember last time he wrote us a message?" You probably almost fell right then. Remembering that… unfortunate occurrence was painful. A mental breakdown was threatening to happen- NO. The last one was bad enough.

"Was that the thing with the buck-" Kanaya covered Rose's mouth, cutting off her question.

"Yes, dearie." She kept her girlfriend quiet. You weren't sure if you wanted to say girlfriend or matesprit, so you just left it at the human concept. Kanaya probably preferred things to be Rose's way, especially with her past stumble(s?) at a flush-crush.

"I think his words could be worse. There's no backspace or scribbling out what you say." You thought aloud.

Kanaya laughed. "I don't believe he monitors his writing much more than his words." You couldn't help but laughing as well.

"Lay it on me." You took a deep breath.

"I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget."

"So that last part of the conversation was for-?"

"Absolutely nothing." She reached across the table and unfolded a crisp piece of paper. You had to give it to her, too, she could savor a moment like no other. Just the right amount of drama and suspense to make you yell at her to hurry up, you didn't have all day. She retorted that you did.

"'Karkat! I'm sooooo glad that you're not dead! Also, I'm sorry for pushing you in the dream bubble, right up until you pushed me, ruining my moment of SELFLESS CHIVALRY. But that's okay. I think Meenah will probably let me tag along sometime too, so don't go pushing anyone else out of danger till then. I will try to come with a full stomach this time so my stomach won't rumble through whatever you want to tell me!' There is a large portion of smileys before it continues," Kanaya read John's words with an empty sound, or maybe nobody could capture his writing without the lacking of life quality. You don't think anyone except John himself can sound so animated with his words.

"Give me that." You snatched the paper from her hands. An overwhelming feeling of hesitation devoured you. The reminder of the note that started the trip plagued every thought. Maybe the reluctance that held your hand had nothing to do with the Armageddon poster.

What else could John possibly have to say? There was a whole nother paragraph. It wasn't like you left a lot to respond to. In fact, thinking back on it, you probably left it brief on purpose. You couldn't finish reading that because now you don't want it brief. You don't want a fast trip. You don't want a short letter from John, a short meetup either. All you wanted to do was savor the moment. Take your time to decide, and choose correctly with Egbert. Most of all, you wanted to take these moments you were trying to savor, the time you didn't want to rush, and live in it before your curse finally gives everyone their doom, before the bodies start piling up around you, leaving you to see it all, to be inevitably alone, no, not alone, you'd have the horrid memories to accompany you, all before you die realizing the timeline was always doomed. The game would end. The game would be over. But that was just paranoia.

Kanaya had started to speak, but you interrupted. "I'm going back." You brought the paper with you. She looked concerned. If Rose wasn't drunk, Kanaya probably would've chased you. Even then, you did not run, but escaped with moderation. It was f*cking pointless. Especially since when you got out of the corridor called the echo zone, you broke into a run.

His words weren't a work of literature, but had an even greater impact than one. "One more thing, Karkat, before I forget to say it." You swallowed air. "Thank you. I spend all of my time apologizing for stupid mistakes that I never realize to thank the people who forgive me. You, Rose, Dave, Jade, Vriska. All of you do so much for me… well, have done. Thank you, Karkat, I wouldn't be here without you and all of my friends. I'm sorry for not realizing sooner. :B :B" His idiotic buck teeth just kept on multiplying after that.

**A/N: I am in a pickle. I could go on a happy fluffy arc to end this, or rip your soul out. It's a tough choice, I mean, the story could a lot easierly go towards the miserable ending I had planned, or not. I think I'm going to modify it just for you readers. Review!**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

**A/N: The decision has been made, I am soo sorry for taking so long, but I have created a schedule that will accommodate my various spurts of inspiration and procrastination. Every ten days you shall receive a chapter. Maybe early, maybe late, but it should even out. Oh, this is also an unusual chapter, so forgive me. Also, prepare to be miserable, after this I will leave no joy. Merry fudging ****Ramadan, Eid al-Fitr Saint Nicholas Day, Eid'ul-Adha, Fiesta of Our Lady of Guadalupe, St. Lucia Day, Hanukkah, Three Kings Day/Epiphany, Boxing Day, Kwanzaa, Omisoka, Yule, Saturnalia, no holiday, or that other thing some people celebrate that I forgot the name of. I feel like you get the gist of my message.**

Anxiety. Nervousness. Paranoia. Apprehension. Hesitation. You are full of these feelings. Tonight was the night. The night that you get to see Karkat. You get to finally hear what he wants to say. You get to say what words have plagued you. All that was stopping you was insomnia.

Of course, you tried the usual remedy. Turning on the fan, and getting out your phone. Generally that was the reason people stayed up, but you weren't normal enough to be in the "generally" group.

You reached the end of your conversations with Karkat, finding a conversation that you weren't sure whether to laugh at or be embarrassed with. Instead, you did both. The words "I am not a homosexual." appeared on the screen in blue text. How were you so blunt and ignorant then? All trolls are bisexual, as you have learned, and it was probably disrespectful what you said, or at least, may have been, troll culture is too confusing for you to really understand.

Karkat wanted to be your kismesis back then. What did that word even mean? After all this time you should know. However, you haven't even attempted to comprehend that quadrant yet. Aranea has told you about the "conciliatory" ones, though. Love sure is weird with trolls. Maybe you should be careful that you aren't stepping over certain boundaries with them.

You want to tell Karkat this. That you're trying to be more culturally sensitive and understand their ideas better. That you understand what mistakes you made back when he first spoke to you. That you hope he still doesn't hate you like that. Until another example was given to you, you had no idea what a kismesis was even partially like, so Karkat's feelings were your only example. You want to tell him that you're still so confused about it. Maybe he could help you understand?

You want to talk about other things too. Like how after the encounter with Gamzee you made an important decision. Ooh, and how you have tried to stop apologizing all of the time. You're honestly so excited to tell him what you never said before. So you need to sleep, now!

Or at least, that's what you thought before going to sleep. It was so stupid to be hopeful. The truth is that you are never meant to find him.

Karkat: be an insomniac.

Reading through old pesterlogs has always been for the same purpose. There was no hiding it. Now John fit that reason particularly well, even if he wasn't dead.

Your only hope was that Rose had said tomorrow, oh look it's midnight, so today actually, would be the final day on the meteor. She was also drunk, so nobody actually knew whether or not to trust her. Big surprise, nobody did. Last week she said the same thing and you were still here. Maybe the trip will never end.

Once again you are in a half-asleep daze reading logs. It's been a week or more since you failed to reunite with John. Still, there's no way to hide that how you feel has been growing. The feeling surrounds everyone. There's no escape either. Tears fall for dead friends and your regret swells. Hatred towards yourself grows with each minute. It's all your fault.

Finally the truth comes out, and you mash uselessly at the keys. Even though you know the message won't go through you press send. The message could be for almost anyone, but right then you only mean it for him. You only wanted him to know.

carcinoGeneticist (CG) began pestering ectoBiologist (EB) at ?:?

CG: I MISS YOU.

For a second you don't even notice, but you shoot up as soon as the words appear on your screen as sent.

CG: HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT DID THAT ACTUALLY FUCKING SEND?!

CG: HOW THE FUCK IS THIS SHITTY THING SENDING THESE ACROSS WHO KNOWS HOW MUCH SPACE?

CG: ISN'T IT TECHNICALLY UNIVERSES?

CG: I DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW.

CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?

The messages keep sending without fault. The mystery deepens. A familiar ping alarms you further.

EB: karkat?

CG: JOHN?

EB: are you sleeping?

CG: WHAT?

EB: am i sleeping?

CG: YOU ARE MAKING NO FUCKING SENSE DIMWIT.

EB: i don't want this to be a dream.

EB: if it is, then that means more time without talking to you.

EB: more time on that fucking ship with jade,

EB: or on the pirate one with meenah and the serkets.

EB: i don't want that.

CG: I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE A DREAM EITHER.

CG: I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE SINCE WE SLEEP AND WAKE UP IN DREAM BUBBLES.

CG: BUT TALKING TO YOU IS IMPOSSIBLE TOO, SO WHAT DO I KNOW?

EB: wait!

EB: can you say it again?

EB: pleeeeeeeease?

CG: YOU SPEND TOO MUCH TIME WITH THOSE SERKET BITCHES.

CG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

EB: what you said at the beginning of this conversation!

CG: …

CG: I MISS YOU.

EB: i miss you too karkat!

EB: it's been so long, and i never heard what you were going to say!

CG: OH, THAT.

CG: I DON'T REMEMBER.

EB: yes you do!

CG: I'D RATHER NOT FUCKNG TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE.

CG: I DECIDED IT WAS A FUCKING SHITHIVE IDEA.

EB: i still wanna hear it!

CG: NO YOU DON'T.

EB: yes i do!

EB: how about i talk first?

CG: OKAY.

EB: but you still have to tell me afterwards!

EB: deal?

CG: FINE, YOU WIN.

CG: DEAL.

EB: yay!

EB: okay, so i did a lot of thinking about my past mistakes.

EB: like saying "i am not a homosexual"

EB: that was the wrong way to reject your black solicitations!

CG: DID YOU GO AND FUCKING ASK SOMEONE TO TEACH YOU ABOUT TROLL ROMANCE?

EB: yeah.

EB: this week actually.

EB: i wish you could have taught me about it,

EB: everyone says you're the expert.

EB: but i had to settle.

EB: and now i am going to apologize for that.

EB: the homosexuality thing.

EB: also for apologizing.

CG: ARE YOU FUCKING APOLOGIZING FOR APOLOGIZING?

EB: maybe?

CG: APOLOGY ACCEPTED.

CG: I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS BULL.

CG: BUT MAYBE I CAN ASK A QUESTION?

CG: THIS IS LIKE THE THIRD TIME YOU HAVE APOLOGIZED LIKE THAT.

CG: IF WE WERE A STORY THEN THE AUTHOR WOULD BE PRETTY FUCKING STUPID.

EB: hehe, yeah!

EB: what is your question about?

CG: HOW YOU TOOK MY BLACK FEELINGS AND MY FEELINGS NOW.

EB: oh, okay, go for it!

EB: i was sort of wondering about how we've changed since then, actually.

CG: HOW WOULD YOU HAVE REACTED IF YOU KNEW WHAT YOU KNOW NOW?

EB: wow, karkat, there is no way i would have been so stupid then if that's what you mean!

EB: maybe i would've said "i am not a troll."

EB: or that i don't think i'm capable of hating you that way.

EB: not even platonically!

CG: YOU DON'T THINK I STILL FEEL THAT WAY, DO YOU?

EB: no, i actually really hope you don't hate me!

EB: how would i say that in troll terms?

EB: i want us to be redder than that!

CG: SOMEHOW AFTER BEING EDUCATED YOU REMAIN A BLUTHERING SHITHEAD IGNORANT.

CG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVE SOME IDEA OF WHAT YOU JUST SAID?

EB: oh!

EB: did i say that i want to be matesprits?

CG: FOR YOUR SAKE I WILL SAY "PRETTY MUCH."

CG: AS IN, YOU'RE PARTLY RIGHT.

EB: thank you?

EB: i also made a decision…

EB: some of my favorite memories are with dad and rose and dave and jade,

EB: but that's because ive spent so much time with them!

EB: after this, when we finally are done or get a break.

EB: i want some of my new memories to be with you.

EB: in person!

EB: promise you won't yell my ear off then?

CG: JOHN YOU ARE THE STRANGEST CREATURE TO EVER WALK SKAIA.

CG: AND OUR BLACK KING LOOKED PRETTY STRANGE.

EB: is that a yes?

EB: we can hang out next chance we get?

CG: THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY THAT MY ANSWER IS NO.

CG: SPINELESS FUCKTARD.

EB: :B :B :B

EB: yay!

EB: believe it or not, i have more to say.

EB: but i won't tell you unless you talk first!

CG: DIDN'T WE ALREADY FUCKING REVIEW THIS?

EB: if i say everything first then you may not tell me after!

EB: this way you have a reason to tell me!

CG: SO YOU REALLY JUST WANT ME TO SAY WHAT I HAVE TO SAY JUST TO BE SURE I DON'T GO BACK ON A PROMISE?

CG. THANKS, I CAN SEE THAT I HAVE ALL OF THE FUCKING TRUST THAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF GIVING.

EB: it's your turn!

EB: im also tired of being the only one talking!

EB: and don't get me started on how long ive been waiting for you to tell me what you mentioned in the message!

CG: ...

CG: FINE.

CG: EGBERT,

CG. AFTER A LOT OF THINKING.

CG. A LOT.

CG. I DECIDED THAT I WANTED TO DO MY OWN APOLOGIZING.

CG. AND I WANTED TO THANK YOU.

CG: …

EB: mmhmm.

EB: go on.

CG: I'M SORRY FOR FUCKING SHIT UP.

CG. SCREWING EVERYONE'S CHANCES OF SURVIVAL.

CG. HURTING YOU AND BEING SO ANGRY TO YOU WHEN YOU DID NOTHING.

CG. I GUESS I HAD THIS IDEA THAT YOU WERE A PERFECT KISMESISS AND IF I WAS MEAN YOU WOULD FIGHT BACK ON A BLACK LEVEL.

EB: hehe, you thought that i was perfect for you!

CG: I GUESS.

CG: DON'T FORGET THAT COSMICALLY I HAVE THE MOST IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS FOR THE CALIGIONOUS QUADRANT.

CG: AN ALIEN BOY WHO I'D NEVER MEET AND MYSELF.

CG: MAYBE I SHOULD'VE SETTLED.

EB: but we did meet!

EB: and…

EB: i had a mental breakdown, but still.

EB: we can meet again!

EB: perfectly sane this time!

CG: BUT THE POINT IS THAT I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY TOWARDS YOU ANYMORE.

CG: AND YOU WERE PROBABLY NEVER CAPABLE OF ANY FEELINGS TOWARDS ME IN ANY QUADRANT.

EB: im trying to be culturally sensitive!

EB: i think doomed me dated vriska for a while.

EB: maybe i

Error code 413. Transmission cut off due to lack of service. Messaging disabled. Please excuse Trollian as it fixes the issue.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter nine

**A/N: Prepare for a really strange chapter. I am so, so sorry. This should be the last strange chapter. Or not. I shouldn't make promises.**

Through the repeated history of many Sburbian timelines, all of these specific ones with the fate of doomed, several events can indicate the awaiting end. One of the first signs that the timeline will not thrive is repetitive occurrences of negativity. Specifically unexplained loss. Examples I do believe the reader can relate to would be loss of connection, sleep, or joy. Why can the reader do so? Because they are all examples from the story.

The poor John suffered unusual insomnia. His close companion in loss latched onto the condition as well. They were also driven towards pessimism, and continuous attempts to reunite. One or both may have suffered loss of the one they love, but as a courtesy to the reader, I shall refrain from such a "spoiler," though you likely already know the answer. However, some truths of this tale shall not be given said consideration.

The final loss of a doomed timeline is what several, for some reason, dread; the loss of life. Such fate is inescapable in this story's progression. Karkat himself would explain loss like his more alpha and dead counterpart you're more familiar with. But in actuality, even a curse does not explain the losses signifying a doomed timeline. The reason for this is simple. These losses simply have no explanation. Like John's. Of course, for the hero of breath, martyrdom was something his allies wouldn't allow. And as I've predicted before, a just death would not suffice. It would be the last sign before the greater-oh, I'm boring you. Perhaps it would be best to show you. Allow the incompetent author to take the narrative.

**Don't listen to a thing this guy tells you! Not everything this USELESS EXPOSITION TOOL tells you is always accurate! Plus he's too confusing sounding to take seriously. Just, err, keep reading I guess. His interruption was TOTALLY PLANNED OUT. Yeah. Definitely. Now you have to make the call if his information is accurate, or if he just likes to hear himself speak. Or both.**

**Let's call this an intermission. Yes. That's what it was. To relieve the trauma of my horrendous writing. I guess since I have the narrative I should just end this ramble-box. Review? I like answering questions still. Unless it's the ever-so-present "What" especially with no question mark. Then the question is begging to be ignored. (That was a joke, don't worry.) Till next chapter.**


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